‘Yoked by violence together’ is an adverse comment on punning, if I remember Jeremy’s classes right, by Samuel Johnson, the Great Cham. This piece was conceived before dawn as the full moon reflected a beam of inspiration from the waters outside my cabin porthole.

As far as offspring goes I have a double aspect, both female. The elder is a normal woman, although highly successful as she contributes to society as the Head of Psychology at a well-known private school. In her spare time she pursues the drama. When spending a sabbatical year in Sri Lanka (which I was fortunate enough to have the chance of helping to initiate) she spent a lot of her time on a wonderful updated Shakespearian piece. Recently she has taken a large role in the York Mystery Plays, also playing several crowd scenes with my two-year-old grand-daughter, whose first memory may sometime prove to be on the boards. She has performed at the Edinburgh Festival as well, and her latest intersection with my younger one was on a flying visit to that city last summer (well for you in UK – the seasons are different here).

Unfortunately my younger daughter is not normal, but an alien, her bright blue skin clearly visible in a recent photo. She tried to cover this up by saying it was all for a charitable cause, but I know better. How, you may ask, could she be an alien if I still acknowledge paternity? Well, as I used to tell her when she was little more than a toddler, cocking my head on one side and seeming to listen intently:

“I can now admit that I am an alien myself. As I can hear the spaceship coming to take us away to Bubble Planet I am permitted to reveal my true identity and to take off my human mask”.

I would then grasp my double chin or the sagging aged loose skin of my neck (normally covered by a cravate in temperate climes) and seem to drag off my face revealing a hideous howling and snapping insect underneath. I really think that the first time I did this, I was for a moment believed, for I know that children love to live in the imagination which I think is held under a thinner skin of the subconscious than it is for older people. A controlled thrill of momentary fear is the spice that provides the spine of all archetypal fairy tales.

Spaceship – SPESHiPS – this could be my yoke. the partly capitalised word being a mnemonic I put together for the operations needed to make a yacht ready for sea. Whoops, unfortunately not for springs are not really a part of this. So I had better come clean at once and explain them.

In Hornblower and the Atropos the eponymous hero uses a spring attached to his anchor chain to escape from the large but old-fashioned Turkish warship that was trapping him. By securing the spring line to the anchor chain (suspended over the bow) and taking the line back amidships or further, he could swing the ship very quickly by hauling in on it. So clever! Such a marvellously thoughtful seaman! For most of my life I have not understood how to deploy such a line nor how vital it can be to a safe mooring.

Kay Sira is often moored with a bow line, a stern line, and two springs which fan out from the fat midships. The purpose of the bow spring is to prevent the vessel from going astern, whereas the spring at the stern prevents it from drifting forwards. If there is any wind, tide, or turbulence, one of these warps will be under load.

My biggest mistake so far in this adventure was to release the stern spring, which was under load to tidy it up. The boat was propelled forward by the wind blowing on the stern and the beautiful skin of the bows approached the rough edge of the dock.

“Oh dear,” I cried, “I have made a mistake”.

Barry, our instructor, and the ever patient Principal of the School immediately apprised the situation and told me to hold the bows.

“Is she marked?” he asked anxiously.

“No, she didn’t make contact” I replied.

He then explained patiently that I should either have made my operation a two-man job – on on the boat and one on the dock, or rigged another spring so that I could have safely adjusted the first.

“Let’s not make a drama out of a crisis” he finished generously, as I choked out my shocked apology.

Thus have I learned a lesson about the usage and abusage of that most important of mooring warps – the spring.